Written By: Lauren Muriello, MA, LPC
Quick Guide:
- If your kids already have smartphones: Decrease use immediately to 1.5-2 hours max daily. Use “Screen Time” settings with a parent passcode.
- If your kids don’t have smartphones yet: Wait until 6-8 grade for basic smartphone use, and do not allow social media until at least 13 years old.
- If you want your kids to be happier: Create opportunities for unstructured time with friends so kids can just be kids. Imagination, creativity, and getting outside are a priority.
“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision.” ― James Clear, Atomic Habits
That’s all we can really ever do as parents – make one single decision at a time. And that’s how we can raise healthy, great kids and teens. What I’m asking you to focus on now is one tiny decision at a time. About what? Smartphones. Social media usage. Screen time. The habits that literally mold your kids’ brains.
Here’s how you can get control of old, bad habits and turn them into new, positive habits that will support a healthy mindset and positive wellbeing for your kids (and you).
This process below can be achieved in just a few days. They key: commit to doing it! Your kids will thank you for it (well, maybe in 20 years).
1. First, start with a relaxed discussion. Pick a few of these questions to get you started:
- What do you love about your phone and the apps you use?
- What do you not like about them?
- Do you like the amount of time you spend on your phone?
- What amount of time per day do you think will make you feel the best?
- Are there specific apps that you know you want to limit time on?
2. Next, get buy-in. Have a follow up discussion with your kids and teens. Say something like, “I want to help you be the happiest you can be, and so I’d like to set some limits to your phone and apps. Would you like to do it with me? We can agree on time limits together. Of course, I’ll make the final decision because I’m your parent, but I am definitely open to your input and will take it into consideration.”
3. Then, use Screen Time controls on iPhones and Androids. If there’s only one thing you choose to do, make it this! The settings on smartphones make it really easy to set times when their phone is locked, and put limits on specific apps. For example, the phone is locked at 9pm; there is a 30 minute limit on TikTok. (You can quickly imagine how helpful that is.)
Click here for iPhone settings.
Click here for Android settings.
How Much Time on Screens? General Guideline:
- Kids and teens should spend no more than 2 hours per day on screens (not including school work), so limit all apps to total no more than 2 hours!
- Let your teen decide how many minutes for which apps. That’s a great way to give them a say in it.
4. Now, use fun tools to gain a deeper understanding for longer-lasting results. Take time with your kids and teens to explore some of these awesome tools that help us take control of tech and understand how tech and social media impact our minds and our moods.
- Screen Time Genie – Created by researchers at Stanford. This tool helps you set goals for new habits and links you to online tools and resources. It’s fun!
- Center for Humane Tech Take Control Tips – A favorite resource for quick changes that you can implement right away. Like, turn off notifications for any non-important apps!
- Digital Detox Challenge – Created by teens for teens. Try a 3-day or 7-day challenge with your teen before summer ends!
- Family Guides for answering hard questions about phones and tech from the forward-thinking, parent-run organization Wait Until 8th.
Here’s to Your Well Being!
Lauren
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Bio: Lauren Muriello LPC is a Mom, Licensed Psychotherapist, Educational Speaker, and the Founder of Well Being Therapy Center in NJ.
She is an expert on the impact of screen culture and social media on youth mental health, and has presented on the topic to 125+ schools.
Follow Lauren’s work and her short, helpful video tips here:
Well Being Therapy Center
Wise Up Parenting
@wise.up.parenting
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